The last two weeks have been a whirlwind of praying, waiting, watching, crying, and stepping out. You all, every single one of you who has been praying, are a very real part of what God has been doing in my life these past few weeks.
When I was first diagnosed, I saw God just start flinging doors open, boldly giving me direction and I was just carried by Him. It was a beautiful thing to experience His perfect weaving of time, places, and people. Now, I have had a deep sense during this transitional season, that God has been calling me to step out in faith, trusting His leading me. So I began to pray with hands wide open, taking one step at a time. This was very hard for me to do.
One of the suggestion for my care was immunotherapy and I was drawn to that idea because the immune system really plays such a crucial role in cancer. This type of therapy was offered by Memorial Sloan Kettering and I was excited to move in that direction. We prayed for doors to open, but my insurance through women's health medicaid would not cover it, stating that it wasn't a necessary treatment and that it was out of state. Paying out of pocket wasn't viable or feasible.
Even before I found out about the insurance denial to MSK a friend mentioned getting care out of the country. I had heard of this from Samaritan Ministries and so I looked into it. It turns out that Germany has clinics offering integrative immunotherapy. We did a lot of research, talked with people who had gone to one of these clinics, and started praying about going. We weren't sure if this was going to pan out, but we stepped out in faith and as we were waiting we started the process of getting our passports renewed.
We applied last week to a German clinic and were told that we would get a call on Tuesday from one of the doctors at the clinic to see if I would be a good fit for the program. As this started to become a reality Scott and I started getting anxious about our passports as we had only applied for them a week prior and did not expedite them. How was I going to say yes to this doctor if I didn't know when my passports where going to come in? It usually takes 4-6 weeks! I was also starting to doubt if this was a good idea. There were so many things to figure out and it seemed overwhelming. Were we making the right choice?
On Monday I was really worn thin. It was late afternoon and I was sitting in my room on the verge of despair... feeling so tired. I took a deep breath and made myself stand up. Taped on my bedroom mirror is a verse my sister-in-law had given me early on in my cancer journey. She is no stranger to this disease as it has hit many in her extended family. She wrote out Psalm 17:6-8. I stood there saying it out loud in my room, claiming each word for myself...despite my feelings of utter despondency. Then I felt as if the Lord spoke to me and said "go check your mailbox." I went outside and in my mailbox was my passports!! I fell to the ground sobbing. It was a miracle. It had only been a week and a half since we applied for new passports. A week and a half. It also so happens that I received an official rejection letter from my insurance company in the same bundle of mail. Talk about an open and closed door!And so with confidence on Tuesday I spoke with the doctor at the German clinic and said yes to his question of whether or not I would like to come and be treated there.
Scott and I will be leaving right after Thanksgiving and would be in Germany anywhere from 4-6 weeks depending on how I respond to my treatments. Everything seems to be falling into place. We are in awe and completely grateful for God's provision and your prayers. As we move forward please keep praying! There is still so much left we need to get done before we leave for Germany. We are not immune to the stresses and fears of what this all means and we need to be fully supported in this journey. Here are some ways you can be specifically praying for us.
~Please pray that the tumors in my body would not only not continue to grow, but that even before treatment they would start to break apart. Also pray that the treatments I receive will work in a mighty way and rid my body of all cancer.
~Pray for my children as we will be away from them for a long time. This is a very hard thing for us to have to do, but we are going out in faith, and believing that in the long run this will result in my being with them for a very very long time.
~Pray for safety for our family as we travel and our children as they will be with family while we are gone.
~Pray that the Lord would use us in Germany to be a light and joy to those we will meet in the clinic.