My PET scan is May 10th with the follow up appointment on the 13th and its hard not to get emotional when I think about it because it feels like so much is riding on this. One of the hardest things for me lately has been just waiting and wondering what will happen to me. Its really easy when things are so uncertain to become overwhelmed and depressed. A few days ago I was feeling this way when I read the My Utmost for His Highest entry for April 29th by Oswald Chambers. It totally changed my perspective and helped me remember that I am not alone, that my Savior is with me and calls me to lean hard into him, and take his joy with me especially when I am so uncertain of my future.
"Our natural inclination is to be so precise– trying always to forecast accurately what will happen next– that we look upon uncertainty as a bad thing. We think that we must reach some predetermined goal, but that is not the nature of the spiritual life. The nature of the spiritual life is that we are certain in our uncertainty. Consequently, we do not put down roots. Our common sense says, “Well, what if I were in that circumstance?” We cannot presume to see ourselves in any circumstance in which we have never been.
Certainty is the mark of the commonsense life– gracious uncertainty is the mark of the spiritual life. To be certain of God means that we are uncertain in all our ways, not knowing what tomorrow may bring. This is generally expressed with a sigh of sadness, but it should be an expression of breathless expectation. We are uncertain of the next step, but we are certain of God. As soon as we abandon ourselves to God and do the task He has placed closest to us, He begins to fill our lives with surprises. When we become simply a promoter or a defender of a particular belief, something within us dies. That is not believing God– it is only believing our belief about Him. Jesus said, “…unless you…become as little children…” (Matthew 18:3). The spiritual life is the life of a child. We are not uncertain of God, just uncertain of what He is going to do next. If our certainty is only in our beliefs, we develop a sense of self-righteousness, become overly critical, and are limited by the view that our beliefs are complete and settled. But when we have the right relationship with God, life is full of spontaneous, joyful uncertainty and expectancy. Jesus said, “…believe also in Me” (John 14:1), not, “Believe certain things about Me”. Leave everything to Him and it will be gloriously and graciously uncertain how He will come in– but you can be certain that He will come. Remain faithful to Him."
~Would you pray for me friends as I move into this next week? Pray that my eyes would be fixed on what is right in front of me and not on what I can't see. That I would be drawn back to truth when I become fearful and anxious.
Here are a few more specific things you can be praying for.
~The same day I wrote my last post was also the sad day that my brother-in-law and his wife lost their new born baby boy Jesse Keith Riley. Please lift them up in your prayers as they continue to grieve the loss of their fourth boy, as Trish continues to heal physically from birthing and loosing her child, and strength for them to find a new normal during these hard days.
~My little guy Peter has the stomach bug for the second time this season. Pray for complete healing and that no one else would be sick.
~ My oldest is turning 9 on the 11th! Please pray that she would have peace and joy in the Lord and that this new year would be a year she grows in knowledge and grace. Please also pray for her as she finishes out her third year of Ambleside Online homeschool courses.
~I've been doing some prep for the next school year and would love your prayers as Scott and I try to figure out curriculum and scheduling especially in light of the fact that I have no idea what next year will bring. We are stepping out in faith pray for favor.
~Praise that we had such a lovely time visiting Scott's Aunt and Uncle in Fort Myers FL. We were able to rest, swim, explore the amazing flora and fauna of southern Florida, and eat some amazing authentic Greek food!
~Praise that I am still able to do most things I need to do around the house without getting terribly tired. I have been slacking off on my clean eating and exercising and could use motivation to keep keeping on. Pray that I make wise decisions with how I care for my body.
Thank you all for your continued support and prayers! We feel so loved by you all.