A Table Before Me

Most mornings I wake up feeling overwhelmed as I think about what needs to get done in that new day. I curl into a little ball, pull the covers over my head, and cry out to my heavenly Father. My prayer usually goes something like this..."Oh dear God please help me I am so weak, I don't know how I'm going to do it...I need your help to get me through this day."

Its a struggle to get up out of my bed. Its been a battle ground around here lately. My days have been filled with internal skirmishes...surrounded by enemies. Guilt hijacks the blessings that keep pouring into my lap each day. I don't deserve these gifts, I need to do more, be more, fight harder etc. Fear creeps in when I let my guard down. "What if" seems to be the choice words that I hear. Self-Pity looms large too, especially when I am tired and worn thin. I have cancer.... I don't deserve this, no one cares about me...no one really understands me. External bombardments within our extended family have come too, enough pain and struggle to overwhelm us during a good season of life let alone while facing cancer. Its been hard for me lately I'm not going to lie.

There is however something that keeps coming to my mind while I am in the midst of these hard days. I see in my minds eye a table with a feast of foods spread before me, and a chair where I can sit down. My host is Jesus Christ himself. He holds the chair with one hand ready to push it out for me and with the other hand he is beckoning me to come sit. He's smiling, almost laughing really. The enemies of Guilt, Fear, and Self-Pity crowd around me as I make my way to the table. The table is jam packed with good things to eat including fruits, infused with all the spiritual gifts, a cup of blessings standing ready to drink, and of course bread filled with Life to nourish and sustain. David talks about this feast....that in the very presence of his enemies he is called to sup and rest.

I don't know about you but I'm only in the mood for feasting when things around me are calm and in good order. But the thing that I am learning is that contentment and peace does not always come and for long stretches of time we may live in turmoil and pain. Do not wait to partake of the joys afforded to us by our triune God till all is well. Come to the feast, as I am learning to do, every day one day at a time. This feast is laid before me in the very midst of my enemies not when they have fled. It isn't always easy to come, but it is the very costly provision that Jesus himself has given to us through his life, death and victorious resurrection. I find that when I do come to this table, I walk away refreshed and with the Truth of the gospel giving me strength again for another day.

"But thanks be to God, who gives us the victory through our Lord Jesus Christ" 1 Corinthians 15:57.

Table of Plenty ~John Michael Talbot


Prayers and Praises
We have been so very blessed by all of you through your prayers and gifts! Every time we get a card, phone call or text saying we are being prayed for I know that I am not alone and that through you we are being loved. Here are a few ways that you can continue to pray for us.
~Continue to pray for my physical health and that this cancer would be gone when I have my scan in May. I have been able to continue doing most everything I normally do which is a huge blessing. I do get tired and overwhelmed as I mentioned above so please continue to pray not only for my physical health but my heart as well. I have very few physical symptoms from the drugs I'm taking but I have noticed a metallic taste in my mouth, some aches and pains, and brain fogginess. 
~Please pray that the Lord would continue to lead us as we seek out ways to rid my body of toxic overload and also figure out what nutrients I could be taking that would continue to sustain my health.
~ My shoulder did have a small tear in the rotator cuff and so I have limited my physical activities please pray for complete healing and rejoice with me as my tear is not that bad and I am able to do most normal activities. 
~ Please pray for my extended family on both sides as we have been experiencing multiple major concerns and challenges. God is faithful and has answered many prayers but there continue to be battles to fight.
~Continue to pray for my husband and children especially when I am struggling emotionally or physically. They take in so much and I know even if they can't put it into words they do struggle at times. 
~We continue to homeschool our children and would ask for prayers as we finish up the school year and prep for next year. Our lessons have been more relaxed but Praise the Lord I have had lots of help from friends and my daughter has been thriving and learning more than I could have imagined and our oldest son has started to learn to read! 
~ We have some traveling going on in the next months and would appreciate prayers for strength, good health, and safety.